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What is Wrong with My Marriage?

What is Wrong with My Marriage?

Couples...Marriage...Relationships...Romance...Intimacy...Emotional Connections...What's it all mean?

I see, and have seen, a lot of couples in my various positions as a therapist. There tends to be a common thread in couples who are seeking answers to "what is wrong" with their relationship- they don't see the "what is right" with their marriage. It can be very easy to get caught up with the negatives that fill our days...and this is no different when it comes to a relationship. If there has been some good connection or a meaningful intimate act, it can be colored by a petty argument, bringing "old stuff" up, by a misinterpretation, etc. It's important to take an active role in your relationship with your partner. Acknowledge both the bad and the good. Try to look at it from a bigger perspective, than from a narrowed point of view. Are things that bad?

Your answer may be yes. In cases like that, where the positive is difficult to find, or is few and far between, you may want to look at things that both your partner and yourself need to work on in the relationship. One thing may very well be communication. Is there a breakdown of communication over even simple matters? Is one person interpreting what their partner is saying inaccurately? In these situations, it's important to break down your communication styles...like what type of belief you may be attaching to what your partner has said. Is it accurate? Have you truly understood what he/she has tried to say to you? Paraphrase what you've heard. Use I statements. Talk it out until there is "understanding" on both parts.

You may need a bit of a referee or mediator when trying to do these simple techniques...try not to assign blame or take things personally. Each person is responsible for self-soothing, for how they interpret an action or comment, and for how they react. Try to look at a problem as either "your problem," "their problem," or "our problem." Typically, an "our problem" is something affects the both of you (i.e. financial issues, parenting your children, etc.). Take a look at whether maybe seeking professional counseling or a self-help materials may be helpful in guiding you through the mountains and valleys that CONSIST of your relationship: http://www.helium.com/items/346091-self-help-resources-vs-professional-counseling

 

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